Listening to this song I noticed that a lot of the lyrics are about how women ‘let’ men have sex with them, and how surprising this is. Now, that’s not a new concept at all to me. I constantly hear people discussing sex as if it is something only men want, and a chore for women. Men are self-loathing like that. As I’ve said in the last post, men in this culture are seen as unattractive whilst women are seen as attractive (for a number of reasons, including but not limited to the inevitability of a male lens under a patriarchy). We therefore see it as natural that men are sexually attracted to women, but are surprised when women are sexually attracted to men.
This is the first time I have considered this issue of internalised misandry, and the more I think about it the more influence I can see it having. The sexual double standard, for instance, could easily have this as a factor: men really wanting sex with attractive women is normal, but if a woman finds herself really attracted to the male body then there is something wrong with her. Then there are issues to do with chivalry. Historically women attracted a mate by being physically good looking, whilst men instead had to be wealthy or powerful to make up for not being seen as such. Women might really not have been attracted to their husbands, having married them for their position, and so sex really would have been a chore, or form of repayment. So this attitude, of men not really being attractive and having to make up for it, leads to the other increased social expectations of men which we call chivalry. Men really have to work to get a girl, are expected to flatter her and take her out and buy her things, let alone having to pursue her in the first place and not the other way around. All that is expected of women in relationships is that they ‘let’ their partner have sex with them: something which is hardly a chore. On the flipside, this also leads to the issues for women: for instance the rape culture idea that a woman ‘owes’ a man sex if he pays for a certain number of dates.
There are other issues which I don’t have the energy to list, but you get the point. If the original post didn’t get you looking at this as a problem, the wider pool of misandry and misogyny it feeds into certainly will. But even if these effects didn’t happen, telling men that their bodies aren’t beautiful is still wrong. Telling them that sex with them is a chore for women is wrong, and it leads to psychological damage, unfair societal expectations, rape culture, slut shaming, and more. It’s wrong, and it’s especially wrong that we’re doing it to ourselves.