[TW for rape]
Let’s teach men not to rape.
We should teach men that no means no.
I can’t speak for all men, but I have morals. From experience, I would also hazard a guess that most men do. Unless you’re suggesting that men are naturally evil, then maybe my shot in the dark there might be on to…
I’m a socially literal person, so I take people for what they say, hate subtlety and can’t understand sarcasm. I had an ex-girlfriend once who used to say “Stop” a lot, giggling. After I kept halting abruptly during sex, she had to explain to me that “Stop” is flirty girly talk for “Keep going”. Men speak bluntly and plainly; women express meaning in more intricate ways — in general. It annoys me that we have these “No means no” campaigns when women very demonstrably like to speak with a lot more subtlety than these posters imply.
There was a post a while back about women speaking in ‘code’, and how to translate it. Feminists launched a massive offensive against anyone discussing it, because it obviously led to rape. You know, I think it probably does - in an indirect way. But a man or a woman trying to understand the code is not to blame, compared to the women actually using it and expecting people to understand it. We wouldn’t need teaching if you behaved rationally in the first place.
translation: Rape is everybody else’s fault but men’s!
with winners like these two, is it any wonder rape culture exists?
“women are such confusing little creatures, it’s no wonder men rape them so often!”
Dear fellow Men,
When you tell someone to stop or say no what do you mean? Does it mean I am being coy and you should keep doing it or does it mean stop? Well for future fucking refrence, when a person says Stop or No, you should stop doing whatever it is you are doing and No means No. Stop with the fucking excuses, bullshit, mansplaing, asshatery. Be a fucking human being and treat people like you would like to be.
Woah. That obviously looks bad out of context. This is really not what I meant at all.
Let’s look at this point by point:
- No, rape is not ‘men’s fault’. Rape is the fault of rapists.
- It is also the fault of rape culture, which enables rapists.
- Men are exposed to a massive amount of pressure from rape culture, and not just in the media. Rape culture is perpetuated by a large number of women, who play hard to get, or expect men to make all of the effort and court them, or teach men that they need to be dominant and persistent to ‘earn’ them, or act uninterested to make men want them more, or say no when they mean yes.
- Men are not naturally stupid, or in favour of rape. Most men, if left alone, would realise that no means no. But they are not left alone. They are pummelled with rape culture, and they can become confused.
- Within the context of this rape culture, then, it is not sufficient to treat all men like ignorant potential rapists and patronisingly drill in to them that ‘no means no’, when they are told the opposite on a daily basis - that is only going to confuse them more.
- Instead, of fighting men, we need to fight rape culture, which turns otherwise moral men into rapists.
- Rape culture, as mentioned above, is perpetuated by women as well as by men. Women control a large chunk of social expectations of men, through sexual selection, and so although the above actions and their like are not the whole problem of rape culture, they are a significant part which needs addressing.
- Women need educating in rape culture, and how to not participate in it, just as much as men do. Only teaching men, whilst allowing others to teach them differently. will do nothing to combat a wider problem.
- I’m not saying that women saying no when they mean yes justifies men hearing yes every time a woman says no. I have never said that. What I’m saying is that women need to be taught to say no when they mean no, just as men need to be taught to hear no when they say no. If you only deal with the small picture, you don’t even make a dent in rape culture. You could teach every man that no means no, but the sheer extent and influence of rape culture, including that enforced by the attitudes of women, would still distort that message. It would still blur the lines. That’s why we need to fight rape culture, not men. Men would be fine if we all, rape culture included, left them alone. But we don’t, and so rather than acting as if men are all naturally broken in the most patronising way that we can, we should be stopping rape culture from breaking what would otherwise be decent human beings.
So: “rape is everybody else’s fault but men’s!?” No.
“Women are such confusing little creatures, it’s no wonder men rape them so often!”? No.
I don’t know whether I’m just not being clear, or if you’re wanting to see something that isn’t there. Either way, my point has not been addressed here.
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